His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
