Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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