I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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