Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
