Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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