my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
