How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
