what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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