yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize