If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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