I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
