North Korea, Best Korea!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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