Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
