the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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