Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
