i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize