i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
