anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
