I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
