i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I love having hate sex.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
