those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize