Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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