end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
