Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
