Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
