What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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