i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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