He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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