so that wasnt chicken after all
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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