I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my liver is dry heaving
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
