There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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