LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
two words...techno handjob
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
