nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
