I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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