i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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