Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
