My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
