I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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