My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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