idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My vagina is very pro this idea
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
