im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
