I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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