Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
