Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
