did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
