Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
