Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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