youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Randomize
