They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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