i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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