Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
