just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
