You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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