So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
