Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
