you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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