i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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