woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can you bring me the toilet please
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
