Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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