I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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