I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
