dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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