You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
