they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
