Slut skills are useful in every country.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Help. Why am I so naked?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
