Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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