Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I die, sorry about rent.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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