Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
