we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
