She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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