Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
