he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
