i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize