We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
