I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
