are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
