all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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